Saturday, September 22, 2012

Finding My Groove

It seems like I am just now getting back to the "old me" that I was years ago.  I have been at home with the kids since the end of June but I think that the school year has gotten me back to a familiar spot.  I am back to being organized, having a routine, wanting to do things at the schools, etc. 

I think that the best me is the one that runs a tight ship at home, is there at school for the kids, sees them off to school and is there when they get home.  I enjoy this life. I enjoy being mom before anything else.  I was always mom when I was working full time outside of the house but I am a better mom here at home.  I am not overly stressed, I am not exhausted every single day and I just have more patience.  I think it is because I have the time to enjoy the little moments. 

The kids definitely enjoy having me home as well.  Lincoln and I are back to being buddies again.  When I was working, he was home with Daddy and they were two peas in a pod and there was no time for Mommy.  Now, we have our moments when we lie in bed and tickle each other or when we take walks to the horse stables down the road and he tells me crazy stories. 

I am finding that I am getting involved in the schools and it feels good.  This is where I am supposed to be.  I was happy when I was first back home with the family but I am even more so now that I am involved and things are running smoothly.  I am finding my groove again.

Chuck is working long hours and I miss him terribly while he's gone but our family dynamic is back.  It feels so good. 

We've had some rough few months with so many downfalls but we are on the upswing now.  We are crawling out stronger than we were before which is a positive side effect from struggles in life, right? 

I still feel a lot of guilt for not being at home with the kids for the three years that I was working full time and more guilt about not being here for Lincoln, in particular, but I'm here now and they say it's never too late so I'm hoping that that is the case.  I hope he knows that even though I wasn't here during the day, everyday, I still love him just the same.  That I had to do what I had to do for our family. 

I can't even say how happy I am that I got my groove back.  It feels so good.  Just call me Stella! ;) 

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