Tuesday, May 14, 2013

A Brand New Me

Alicia Keys came out with a song that has really struck a chord with me.  I listen to the words and I start to feel a bit emotional.  Not all of the words apply to me but a lot of them do. 

For years, I stood in the shadow of everyone else.  I am a wife of someone that everyone knows so I have always been his girlfriend or wife.  I am a mom of three so I am always someone's mom. I am a sister so I am always someone's sister.  I have never been me, just me.

As the kids are getting older and I am finding more time to find myself and who I am outside of the shadows, I am starting to like me.  I am starting to find what makes me tick, what makes me angry and what makes me truly happy.  I have found the brand new me.  It's not so much that I am changing, I'd like to think that I am evolving into who I have always been.  I have just been hidden.

I feel like I have always had the potential to be this person, but I wasn't allowing myself to open up to be who I am.  I have always been taking care of everyone else.  I have never put myself first. That has changed in some ways.

My husband has always supported me in anything that I have done.  We discuss things and when I say I want to do something, he has my back.  So all of the lyrics don't apply as I said.  However, a lot of the times, I based what I wanted to do on what he was doing.  I always put aside my desires for the sake of my husband or kids.  I still do that but not all the time.  I have to start putting myself first when I can. 

My mantra has been, you are worth it. So, when I want something and I start to doubt myself, I repeat that phrase to reassure myself that it is okay. 

I have been told by someone that loves me that I am different but it wasn't coming as a compliment.  It came as more of an accusation.  I am not doing bad things, I am not off getting into trouble or trying to be something I'm not.  I am evolving into a different person in many ways but it is for the better. 
Don't be mad, it's just a brand new kind of me
Can't be bad, I found a brand new kind of free

It took a long long time to get here
It took a brave, brave girl to try

 If I talk a little louder
If I speak up when you're wrong
If I walk a little taller
I'd been under you too long
If you noticed that I'm different
Don't take it personally
 These lines resonate with me as I have always been the quiet one, the doormat to so many.  I was the one that always said yes to everyone else, even if it meant I was putting myself last. 

Hey hey hey, if you were a friend, you'd wanna get know me again
If you were worth the while
You'd be happy to see me smile
I'm not expecting sorry
I'm too busy finding myself
I got this
I found me, I found me, yeah

I'm happy I found me.  Finally.

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